Things I have never shared in public, part 1.

If I were to judge my technical level - I would say I’m an average engineer. I’m a senior engineer, but this seniority comes from experience, grueling + slow studying and a billion mistakes I made along the way - not because I learned quickly or can comprehend complex ideas easily. I’ve always been amazed and jealous of people who could understand hard things swiftly.

Very often, I would get roles where I felt I wasn’t ready and had to learn new things on the job. I would also get stressed because I didn’t want people to “find out” I’m not what I sold myself as.

I have failed many many times during interviews and had people actually walk out on me. I have probably failed around 80% of the DSA interviews I’ve had.

I was mediocre at math in school (once the math started getting hard) and I have started learning programming only when I turned 22 (my university major is Economics, not Computer Science).

I got my first job in IT in an outsourcing company. For the most part, I got it because I spoke really good English - and as I was told later by my boss, I was an “easy sell” to foreign clients. I sounded “smarter” than my peers who were technically more proficient, but had worse English.

And I got really good at English, not because I studied hard, but because my mom won a program that allowed her to study in the US for 2 years. As a child, I came along with her and simply “absorbed” the language.

So, just in case I’m giving off a vibe of someone who “has stuff going for him” -the reality is far from it :)

Why am I writing about this? Because I also have perfectionism (not the good kind), and it’s holding me back in many ways. And this is my way of battling it and confronting my fears of not being perfect in front of my peers.

P.S. I'm not completely disregarding my achievements - but just saying that I'm far from perfect.